My client, whom we’ll call Sally, was telling me how she’s been reading up on all sorts of positive body image blogs. You know, blogs that encourage you to love yourself and accept yourself as you are right now. And that was just all too far from reality for her to be able to swallow. She told me “I can’t love my body. I can’t stand living in it. I don’t feel good physically in my body. Why would I accept something that makes me so miserable?”
And I understood what Sally was saying. Often, people confuse self-acceptance with stagnation. Staying miserable, learning to put up with something you hate. Many people wrongly assume that they’ll never change if they accept themselves (not to mention love themselves!) as they are right now. But it turns out that isn’t true.
ACCEPTING SOMETHING DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT. The reality is that self-acceptance FACILITATES CHANGE. Acceptance can be defined as “the act of assenting or believing.” Once we come to truly accept where we are at in life, what works for us, and what doesn’t, we are then able to make decisions based on that reality. Here are a couple of diagrams to show what I mean.
Cycle of Non-Acceptance
Cycle of Acceptance
I share this message with you as a new year is about to begin because it’s a time that you might be thinking about setting goals and contemplating how you’d like to improve upon this past year. So you just might want to consider adding self-love and self-acceptance to the top of your list. Ironically, it just might help you accomplish everything else you had in mind.
I’m going to leave you with a quote from a fabulous book that I stumbled upon while researching this blog post. The quote relates to accepting your body as it is right now.
How can you begin to learn the lesson of acceptance? By recognizing that what is, just is, and that the key to unlocking the prison of self-judgment lies in your own mind. You can either continue to fight against your body’s reality by complaining bitterly and immersing yourself in self-deprecation, or you can make the very subtle but powerful mental shift into acceptance. Either way, the reality remains the same. Acceptance or rejection of your body only carries weight in your mind; your perception has no bearing on how your body actually looks, so why not choose the ease of acceptance rather than the pain of rejection? The choice is yours. “
Found in “If Life is a Game, These are the Rules” by Cherie Carter-Scott PhD
Have you had an experience with self-acceptance? Please share it!